10 Tips for Dealing with Grief + Loss

A lot of you may know now that me and my family had to say goodbye to our family dog, Bentley earlier this month. Losing him has been really hard and because this is the first close loss I’ve experienced in my life, I’m really not sure what to do with my grief. Some days I feel okay, and most other days I’m a total mess and don’t know how to get by. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I genuinely didn’t think I’d have this much of a struggle. My mom and brother, whom Bentley lived with, are also trying to figure out what to do now that we don’t have our doggy around. We were all hit very hard with this loss and are really trying hard to cope with the grief we are experiencing. We’re taking it day by day, and accepting that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, so long as we begin taking those steps to heal and feel better.

When I found out Bentley was sick, I immediately replaced myself on the freelance commercial job I was on so that I could spend time with Bentley and my family. As I said in my October Newsletter, we had an amazing time with ole Bentlaroo during his last few days. We sunbathed in the backyard, watched quite a few sunrises and sunsets, and we even took him to In-N-Out! During this time, I also made sure to plan as much as I could after Bentley’s passing, so that I could stay busy and distracted. Since I didn’t really know what I was going to want or need, I made lunch plans, reserved/planned workouts, and scheduled some time to work on some recipes for the blog. I could always cancel plans if I really wasn’t feeling up to it, but I knew it was going to be helpful to get out of the house and be social.  

I’ve been so upset and emotional about Bentley’s passing that I haven’t really wanted to do much of anything, but I know that the most effective thing for me to do is to get up and do something to get myself out of the house and out of my grief. It certainly hasn’t been easy and I’ve had to push myself a lot, but I’m really proud and happy that I made the efforts to self-heal. Some things worked better than other’s, and I still have a lot of healing and grief to get past, but the efforts I’m making each day are one step closer to healing the hole that Bentley left in my heart. It’s impossible to know exactly what we need or want when we’re grieving, and I think it’s really important to utilize different “techniques” in order to find which things really work for you. And of course, everyone is different and so we all deal with loss and grief differently, but I still want to share with you my experience and the top 10 things that really helped me with my grief. I’ll also include a few extra ideas at the end of this blog that may be helpful to you.

If you’re reading this and have just experienced loss, I am so sorry and can only imagine your pain. I think it’s the worst thing humans can possibly experience, and it’s often a very difficult thing to get through. But we’re also strong and resilient creatures, and I believe you can get through it. You’re not alone so don’t be afraid to reach out for help or support if you need it, and know that it takes a lot of hard work to make those first few steps to self-healing. Allow yourself to be sad, but also work on feeling joy at times too. Remember that it’s totally okay to not feel okay. I hope this blog post can be helpful to you, as it has been for me, and if you have any tips on what has helped you get through grief and loss, please share!

Love Always,
Nat

Irvine Farmer’s Market Run + Brekkie with a friend at Outpost Kitchen was more helpful than I expected.

my 10 Tips:

1. Be Social

Even if you don’t feel like it. You can have a fun night or day out, or even if it’s just coffee or dinner with a friend, being social with people who really care about you, can really be helpful. This social time can also be a really great time to talk about your experience and what you’re going through if you feel like it.

2. Give Yourself Permission To Be Emotional

This also means giving yourself permission to stay at home for a day or night to binge-watch Netflix. It’s okay AND natural to experience joy, grief, and anger, and it’s also important to not feel guilty for having any of these emotions.

3. Exercise

Get those endorphins going. I find that doing it first thing in the morning really helps me set a better mood for the entire day.

My momma drove up to Orange County, and we had ourselves a great little staycation in LA with lots of smiles + Laughter

4. Talk About It

Whether it’s with a friend or a therapist. Talking about it helps. I’ve personally found it really helpful to talk to other’s who have had a similar experience. Their ability to empathize with you, makes life a little easier. 

5. Work On Smiling

I’ve found it really helpful for improving my mood. Get some laughs in. Watch a funny movie, go to a stand up show, or default to #1 and get together with some friends who are guaranteed to make you laugh and smile.

6. Get Out Of Your Routine A Bit

Sometimes staying in your current routine, just reminds you of being with your pet or with that person, so try switching it up a bit. I’m lucky enough to have some time off of work, so my mom and I are walking to coffee or to the beach in stead of her usual walking route with Bentley. My momma also took a few days off of work to visit me in LA and we spent time together window shopping, eating, hiking, and we also went to see Anastasia at the Pantages theatre!

It took everything in me to get out of the house/apartment, but once I had a tea in hand and a nice stroll in the sun, I was a much happier girl

7. Get Back To Nature

Go on a hike, hit the beach, or take a day trip to the mountains. Nature can be a very healing place to be and it’s also nice to get out of your current environment.

8. Make Plans  

Have something to look forward to!

9. Keep Busy With Things You Enjoy

For me it’s cooking/baking, exercising, and enjoying a walk or easy hike somewhere out in nature.

10. Pick Up A New (Or Old) Hobby

It’s nice to get the creative juices flowing again, and such a wonderful outlet to have.

Things to Plan or Do to Self-Heal:

·  Sound Bath ·  Art Class

·  Cooking Class ·  Try a new recipe

·  Plan a dinner party or night out ·  Go see a show

·  Plan a seasonal activity ·  Read a book

·  Find a new podcast · Use those essential oils

·  Light some candles ·  Take a bath

·  Find a new show to binge-watch ·  Reconnect with old friends

·  When in doubt dance it out ·  Breathe (look into the 4-7-8 breathing technique!)

· Meditate